What It Feels Like to Obey When You Don’t Feel Ready
For a day or two after I got the press from God, I told myself I just wasn’t “ready” yet. I’d think about starting this book, feel a spark of excitement for a moment, and then immediately follow it with doubt. What if I don’t do it well? What if I start and don’t finish, like many of my other past projects? What if this isn’t actually something I’m supposed to be doing? So I waited a few days, convincing myself that at some point I’d feel more confident, more certain, and more equipped. But that version of “ready” never really came.
What I’m starting to realize is that obedience doesn’t usually come wrapped in confidence. It often feels uncomfortable, uncertain, and honestly a little intimidating. And still, there comes a point where you have to decide whether you’re going to keep waiting for the perfect moment—or take the step you already know you’re supposed to take.
Starting this book has been exactly that for me. It hasn’t felt fearless or perfectly planned, but I’ve learned that God isn’t asking me to feel ready—He’s asking me to be willing. And somehow, in the middle of that willingness, I’m finding that He meets me there and keeps me moving forward even when I’m unsure of every next step.
Up until now, I can’t lie and say my journey has been free of doubt. A big portion of my life has been marked by fear, questions, and uncertainty.
Some of the hardest moments came during my teenage years. I went through a season of depression, anxiety, and derealization—something I share more deeply in my testimony part of my book (stay tuned for that!). It was one of the most difficult times in my life, and looking back, it was also when I should have leaned on God the most. But I didn’t. Instead, I leaned on my own understanding and tried to fill what I now recognize as a God-shaped hole with things that could never truly satisfy it.
And even now, although I have more peace and joy than I did then, life still feels unknown in different ways. I’m learning that obedience isn’t about feeling ready. It’s about being willing. It’s about taking the next step even when you can’t see the full picture yet.
And right now, that step is this—writing this book and trusting that God is already in it. I don’t know exactly where this is leading yet, but I’m starting to believe I might not need to. Maybe following God isn’t about knowing the destination—it’s about staying close to Him along the way. And right now, this is the step in front of me.
